Letting Go

How do you even begin to let something go?

I feel like I should have a ready answer to this question but I really do not.

I want an answer, though… so now we’re going to look at a bunch of past experiences and see if we can glean some kind of flipping UNDERSTANDING of the question, at least…

When I was a little kid, I had to learn to let go of my parents as all little kids do. I mean, there’s always that awkward phase for toddlers that are nearly old enough to be defined as children where they have to learn not to be carried everywhere and held every second. They whine and complain about it, because who wants to WALK or even RUN when you can be carried AND hugged at the same time?

Not toddlers who are nearly kids, that’s for sure.

After your parents are successful in convincing you to walk on the ground, you usually graduate to the hand holding stage. I think I’ve written another blog about how sassy I was during this stage. I would only hold onto one of my Dad’s fingers because FIERCE INDEPENDENCE.

However! Following the comfort of hand holding fun (lived to its full glory when holding the hands of two people and jumping over puddles) you have to learn to walk without an aid. No more puddle jumping. No more hand holding. No more walking with any form of aid.

…In that entire ‘walk’ of life (pardon my HILARIOUS pun), are we progressively let go of or do we decide on our own to let go?

Is that a sweet release ? Or, is it perhaps more painful than anything?
Is it both? YO. But for real… WHAT IS IT?

I happen to have a particularly vivid (albeit, at times annoyingly selective) memory… So, I can remember being a toddler who was nearly a kid and going through that awkward stage of no longer being held and carried places. Learning to walk without help is hard at whatever stage of life you’re in.

I try and be as comforting as I can when I see toddlers going through this phase. By which I mean, I’m more than likely to pick them up again or give them a hug. It’s rough to be let go of by someone you love, even if that someone is just your parents encouraging your independence.

I also know that I have to regulate that behaviour.

How will they learn to walk on their own if I am constantly carrying them?

How will they learn to navigate life their own and learn wisdom if I am holding onto their hand the whole time?

Letting go and being let go of go must go hand in hand.

I think that process is both a sweet release and a painful separation… but that’s not the point. The point is the necessity of letting go and being let go of. We learn a lot from it.

How, then, does hope come into all of this?

How is it possible to have hope for a situation or a person, but still completely let go of the situation or person and put them out of mind completely?

Perhaps the best part of letting go of someone’s hand is the hope that you’ll be able to hold it again someday, and when you do, it will be better than before.

For example, if your arm is twisted a lot when you hold hands with someone, it’s better to let go so as to release that pain. Choosing to hold hands again perfects the grip you once had.

Perhaps the best lessons are learnt in the time between when you let go of that hand and you hold onto another hand and take a different opportunity… or even just wait until you can hold that one again. Even if we’re waiting for that, we still have to let go, if we’re waiting properly.

I mean, you can’t be waiting to hold someone’s hand again if you’re still holding onto it, can you? Waiting doesn’t always mean holding on. Sometimes it means letting go, too.

Yo, just to remind you (and me)… the question I posed at the start of the blog was: how do we even begin to let something go?

I just said a lot of things about letting go, being let go of, holding on and waiting… but it occurs to me that anything that I’ve ever thought I was holding onto wasn’t mine, but it was given to me by God, who has everything in the palm of His hand.

How lucky are we to be gifted anything, particularly if it comes from Him?

“If everything is Yours, then I can’t let it go. It was never mine to hold”.

Audrey Assad

Just One Drop

Did you know that one drop of holy water into a cup of normal water will make that entire cup holy water?

True story!
According to my parish priest, anyway…
Well, according to what my grandma told me my parish priest said…

Regardless, I felt that was both interesting and poignant in regards to what makes things holy. When you think about it, it’s pretty incredible. I’m not suggesting we go out and do this, but just one drop of holy water could make the entire ocean holy. Woah. 

I imagine it to be similar to when you put a drop of detergent into some really dirty water. If you’ve never seen it before, you should try it some time for the lolz. All of the gunk in the water reacts by racing out to the edges, away from the detergent. It almost looks like the bad stuff in the water runs away from the good stuff that you drop in. Similarly, the forces of darkness would just run and hide from holiness.

I feel like the same goes for people. Just one drop of holiness could make an entire city holy. The first time I thought of this, I was thinking along the lines of evangelism and it’s true, a small amount of people, or even just one person, can show thousands of people the truth about Jesus (citation: The entire New Testament)… But I think even just the presence of a holy person can do wonders for their surroundings.

That being said, it’s not always super easy being that one, holy person and having to be the one to make a difference. The thing about it is, you don’t notice and you can never fully know the difference you will be, can be and are making on your environment and the people in it.

The cool thing is, even a small amount of holiness can redeem a massive amount of sin. I mean, just check out this scripture:

Genesis 18:27-33
Abraham Pleads for Sodom

²⁷ Then Abraham spoke up again: “Now that I have been so bold as to speak to the Lord, though I am nothing but dust and ashes, ²⁸ what if the number of the righteous is five less than fifty? Will you destroy the whole city for lack of five people?”

“If I find forty-five there,” he said, “I will not destroy it.”

²⁹ Once again he spoke to him, “What if only forty are found there?”

He said, “For the sake of forty, I will not do it.”

³⁰ Then he said, “May the Lord not be angry, but let me speak. What if only thirty can be found there?”

He answered, “I will not do it if I find thirty there.”

³¹ Abraham said, “Now that I have been so bold as to speak to the Lord, what if only twenty can be found there?”

He said, “For the sake of twenty, I will not destroy it.”

³² Then he said, “May the Lord not be angry, but let me speak just once more. What if only ten can be found there?”

He answered, “For the sake of ten, I will not destroy it.”

³³ When the Lord had finished speaking with Abraham, he left, and Abraham returned home.

You.
YES, YOU.
You might be the difference between death and Life.
…And you don’t even know it.

You’re the drop of holy water that God has placed in the ocean of His people, to make them holy in your own unique way by following His call and purpose… Just your presence is going to have a ripple effect that will bring a much needed cleansing to so many people’s lives…

How awesome is THAT?

Heaven on Earth

I remember a homily that I heard from when I was little. It was about Heaven. I really only remember about one sentence from the whole thing, but it stuck with me:

Heaven is beyond our imagination – by which I mean, anything that we can imagine, won’t be in Heaven, because it will be even better than what we could ever imagine. 

You can guess what that was like for young Siobhan, who may or may not have been daydreaming about what Heaven would be like during the whole thing instead of fully listening, and was brought back to attention by this sentence. I felt so much awe from this statement. It was mind blowing.

I thought of rainbows… but rainbows wouldn’t be there… because there would be WAY COOLER rainbows!!!!!!!!!!
LIKE RAINBOWS WITH ACTUAL POTS OF GOLD AND LEPRECHAUNS AND UNICORNS AS WELL WHICH MY STINKY BROTHER SAID DIDN’T ACTUALLY EXIST! AND! AND! AND THERE WOULD ALSO BE MERMAIDS!!!! AND… DRAGONS! AND FAIRIES!
… wait… no…

Those won’t be there either… because THERE’LL BE SOMETHING BETTER.

I stood there and experienced, probably for the first time, the incomprehensible glory of God.

He. Could. Even. Make. Rainbows. BETTER.

WOOOOOOOOOW.

I continued to sit there for the rest of mass (and I think the day, and probably the rest of my life, considering that I’m still sitting here doing it) and contemplate all the things that wouldn’t be in Heaven, because I could imagine them. As a young’un, I had a pretty active imagination, which I was pretty proud of, even at that early stage… but I couldn’t outdo God.

He was always one step ahead!

IF I COULD THINK IT, HE COULD THINK OF SOMETHING BETTER.

At the end of the day, I decided to stop daydreaming of things because I realised that if I could think of it, it wouldn’t be in Heaven… and I dang needed me some brownies in Heaven, alright, Jesus?

How interesting, that I still have the same attitude, even when I’m older… I think I know what’s best for me or what would be like Heaven to me… but God has a better, grander, more awesome plan and it’s better than what I’ve imagined for myself.

The thing about Heaven is that we’re not there yet. We live in a very earthly, very sinful world… which kind of sucks hardcore, because we’re not made for this earth – we’re made for Heaven.

The really awesome thing is that God is still with us on earth. (Thank goodness!!!)

My dad once told me that the sign of a good leader was someone who looked ahead to see if there would be problems in the future that would come from the decisions that happen now. I still think that’s great advice, particularly in the practical sense and it’s useful when I’m trying to make the most wise decisions possible for my life. It could also, however, be applied it in a way that isn’t very useful in a spiritual sense.

I’m not always the most wise, particularly when I’m trying to figure out where my choices might lead, which means that on occasion, instead of looking to the future with caution, I tend to look with fear…

AND THAT, KIDS, ISN’T A GOOD THING!

I know I have nothing to fear… I mean, God tells us 365 times in the Bible “be not afraid”. Yes, that is one for every day of the year. Good job!

The interesting thing is, when my discernment bleeds into worry or even expectation of the future, it rarely happens in the way I thought it would. It’s pretty obvious why that is…

Isaiah 55:8

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD.

Yep. It’s that verse that your mum used to quote when you freaked out about stuff… or maybe that was just my mum? Whatever. It was probably your mum too. We all know what mums are like (i.e. awesome).

I’ve noticed that when I get to the bottom of a situation or something is revealed to me… it’s always SO much better than I could ever imagine. In fact, it’s something that I couldn’t have even imagined.

It’s those moments when I can see Heaven’s presence on earth.

Advent Awkwardness

Mother Mary, or Mumma Maz as I like to call her, is just the greatest…

One of my favourite things about Mary is her obedience to God’s call.

In the lead up to Christmas, as we wait in Advent, I’ve been reflecting on where Mary would be at with the whole thing, if it were happening today. She’d be pregnant, and probably on the way to Bethlehem.

But she’d be pregnant, though.

Can we just… can we just talk about the pregnancy thing for one sec?

I’ll be honest with you: God’s asked me to do some pretty weird stuff for Him.

I should clarify that He’s most certainly never asked me to bear miraculous children that are the Messiah for Him… but there’s been weird stuff, none-the-less.

Generally, I will do it… and most of the time, my parents end up finding out about it probably because I feel the need to keep them informed about my life because they are important people in it.

BUT CAN YOU IMAGINE ST ANNE AND ST JOACHIM’S REACTION TO THEIR DAUGHTER EXPLAINING THAT GOD HAD PUT A BABY IN HER BELLY? (And that, by the way, the baby is the promised the Messiah… Lol. Are you cool with that, Mum and Dad? Cool! Let’s all get ice cream).

…I highly doubt that they had ice cream in Ancient Palestine… and I’m also fairly certain that’s a very inaccurate representation of what I’m sure would have been the parental reaction gif of the… History of the World… if we had technology back then.

The Bible doesn’t specifically state what the parental reactions were, but it does say that St Joseph, Mary’s intended spouse, was planning on “quietly divorcing her”.

I feel like that speaks volumes to what her situation would have been – not even her fiance believed her story.

She would have lost her place in society. Her reputation. Her good name. She would have been a laughing stock. She would have been a fool.

I like to imagine how my Heavenly mother would have responded to this situation. My educated guess is: probably in righteous silence. Even when you have the answers, it’s sometimes unwise to explain them.

My best friend has been reminding me of something for a little while, now:

We are called to be fools for Christ.

Mary is a prime example of this.

Not only did she bear a precious child, she also bore the weight of shame, humiliation, rejection and disgust from her community.

I’m sure the joy and excitement of being blessed by having Jesus growing inside her would have done a lot to ease that pain.

But still!

You have to admire the woman’s dedication to God’s will in her life.

When God calls, there is always an element of risk involved. Generally, your comfort zone is always compromised, and there is a very, VERY high chance of everything going wrong… the idea of ending up a laughing stock, shunned and  humiliated isn’t the most fun thing.

The fruit of your suffering is the cause of your joy… It’s what makes the pain of waiting worth it, and it’s the reason we will sing and shout for joy. The pain of child birth brings forth the promised gift from the LORD.

Without waiting, we would never learn patience and trust. Sometimes our circumstances of waiting for and with God are uncomfortable and awkward. Sometimes we have no idea what to say when people ask us why we wait.

Most times, that’s the point.

We are called to be fools for Christ, but we are wise in and because of Him as well.

Regardless of what anyone said to her during her awkward Advent pregnancy, Mary had the last laugh because she was right all along – the baby she delivered, delivered her… and He has and will deliver us, too.

So, say “Yes”!
Even when it’s weird, risky and difficult… and experience the awkwardness of Advent, as we await the blessing of Christmas.

John 16:21
Whenever a woman is in labor she has pain, because her hour has come; but when she gives birth to the child, she no longer remembers the anguish because of the joy that a child has been born into the world.