I’ve written a lot about what makes an adult and the experiences that I’ve had in trying to figure that out, but recently, I’ve been asking myself a deeper and kind of more embarrassing question: what makes a woman?
Like I said, it’s an embarrassing question to ask. In fact, it kind of makes me cringe and want to stop talking… but sometimes questions that provoke a reaction like that are the most important questions to ask ourselves.
I have absolutely no idea what makes someone a woman as opposed to a girl. In fact, the reason that I’m talking about it now is because my Grandma told my little cousin, Sunflower, to ‘stand up straight like Siobhan does, then you’ll be a little lady, like her’.
Not only do I have terrible posture, I was slumped over the kitchen table when she said that.
I raised my eyebrows in surprise. I hadn’t thought of myself as being a lady, or even a woman… I thought I was just a girl who was still learning how to ‘arise’ and be an adult… I realised I hadn’t even considered the thought of being a woman.
“Here’s a question,” I replied, somewhat sheepish, “What… what makes someone a woman? …And what makes someone a lady?”
“When you can do things just quietly and kindly without making a big fuss of it, that’s when you’re a lady,” she told me. I squinted. I didn’t know how I felt about a more mature version of femininity being boiled down to ‘quiet’ and ‘kind’.
I read a fantastic book around this time last year called Captivating. It’s now one of my favourite books. A part from Captivating came back to me about how, when woman is loved, she has a quiet, peaceful spirit about her… She finds rest. I should point out that the love they were talking about (and suggesting that the woman should pursue) was God’s love. I’m not suggesting that women should chase men so as to find rest, just so we’re clear.
That way of thinking about it made more sense to me and it reminded me of yet another thing, which had been repeated to me several times all through last year. You’ve probably heard it, too… It’s one of St Augustine’s finest quotes:
Our hearts are restless until they rest in you, O LORD.
I suppose from that, I realised that a peaceful and kind spirit brings forth peace and kindness to a woman’s surroundings.
It also made me feel pretty convicted. I know that I have dramatic tendencies and restlessness which can often bleed into my surroundings and relationships. What I think I’ve realised is that those tendencies are rooted in an emotional and spiritual immaturity.
I mean, surely if I knew and believed that I was loved by an all-loving, all-powerful Creator of the Universe who held me in the palm of His hand, then I would have no reason to be dramatic or restless? Like I said, it was convicting and it made me stop and reconsider a few things for a moment.
I want to be that kind of woman.
I want God’s peace and love to overflow from me into what surrounds me.
Another thing came to mind soon after, which is something that my best friend once told me.
Gentleness is strength under control.
That gentle peace that I wanted to know was also a source of strength.
Proverbs 31 or The Ideal Woman/Wife has a lot to say about the topic of womanhood. When I was reflecting on this question of what makes a woman, a verse from this chapter came to mind.
She is clothed in strength and dignity and she can laugh at the days to come.
This true peace that I seek is not about being in calm surroundings with calm people and thus, being calm. It’s about being calm, quiet and still inside. It’s about cultivating and sustaining that, even and especially when surrounded by people and circumstances which are anything but calm. Great peace is the foundation great strength.
The thought of the future makes me dramatic and restless, but it makes the Proverbs 31 woman laugh.
The peace of being filled to overflowing with God’s love gives us strength in any circumstance. It allows us the peace and strength to laugh at the future, whatever the days to come may bring.
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